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Welcome! I love you already! Say it back!!!!!
If we’re meeting in your inbox for the first time, hi! Hello! I’m Mia (pictured above). I’m a humor writer and the author of the essay collections Weird But Normal and She’s Nice Though, which came out in August. I’m also a contributor to the Cut and write a weekly column called, “I Can’t Shut Up About.” Do I kind of hate that column title now? Yes! But what is art if not something to make and then immediately regret?
And with that, let’s eat.
Something I Ate with My Mouth
I made a zucchini lasagna mess that was a combination of this recipe, this recipe, and my own sick and twisted mind. I didn’t grill my zucchini beforehand because lol yeah right, that’s too much work. But I did slice it very thin, sprinkle the strips with salt, and let it sit for a good 15 minutes to dry them out a bit. Instead of real meat, I smushed up some vegetarian meatballs because I am both an innovator and, in many ways, an environmental activist. I didn’t use ricotta because I couldn’t find it at the grocery store and didn’t feel like asking for help. “Independent Women, Pt. 1” was written about me. Instead, I got cottage cheese — STAY WITH ME — and blended it up with an immersion blender. Remember a little bit ago when I said I was an innovator? Well??? The lasagna did not end up looking like lasagna at all, which is fine because all bodies are beautiful. I burned the shit out of the roof of my mouth on the first bite, but in the end, it was worth it.
Some Things I Ate with My Eyes
As I said in this week’s “I Can’t Shut Up About,” watching Love Is Blind feels masochistic. So, I only watched all of season three in two days. Some stray observations I didn’t put in the column:
I can’t stop thinking about Nancy forgetting the phrase “smoke show” and thought Bartise hit on a woman by calling her a “smoke program”
Colleen looks like a sorority version of Sara Bareilles
Zanab looks like Valencia from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend in a “live, laugh love” font
Brennon looks like a face-mash of every man on The Bachelorette who doesn’t make it past night one
Alexa has perfected the Kardashian dialect
The whole clementine thing is … not worth more than this sentence. I think Cole is ignorant and oblivious but not malicious. Food, weight, and body image are clearly sensitive topics for Zanab, like they are for many women. So, I get where she could hear Cole’s comment and feel like it was meant to be a dig at her body, even though Cole thought it was innocuous. Again, he seems more unaware than mean. (Which isn’t an excuse. Men’s obliviousness is too often used as a pass for refusing to grow and learn and change.) More than anything, I think these two were simply very bad for each other! They didn’t communicate well! Or maybe even actually like each other?
Nancy’s brother Steve is the true hero of the series. Would have loved to watch him verbally fart all over Bartise.
I’ve also been watching Bad Sisters on Apple TV. (You can watch the first episode for free, and then, get a friend named Ryan who lets you use his log-in. Hi, Ryan!) The series is fun and dark and stars Sharon Horgan. It’s one of those shows that’s better if you go in not knowing anything, but essentially, the series follows five sisters who have always been very close. Their brother-in-law dies. Dark, comedic antics ensue. If you liked Search Party, it’ll scratch a similar itch and it gives me an excuse to pretend I can do an Irish accent.
Some Things I Made for You to Eat
I watched Lindsay Lohan’s new Netflix Christmas rom-com Falling for Christmas, a perfectly stupid title. Here is (almost) every thought I had while watching.
For last week’s “I Can’t Shut Up About,” I waxed psychotic about Goop’s 2022 holiday gift guide. The list includes a $76 bottle openers, 15 different vibrators, and a bag of poop :)
Hmm, what else, what else. Oh, yeah. I wrote a book called, She’s Nice Though. It’s a collection of funny essays and stories about goodness, kindness, agreeability, and obedience, and how those things intersect and how they don’t and how I once thought I was going to hell for thinking too much about a marker. You can read an excerpt on Cosmo called “Nice Girls Finish Eventually” or an excerpt on the Cut about the humiliating desire to be seen as hot. And then, you can buy it here.
Stay hungry, okay?!?
Mia