CAKE FOR BREAKFAST: allow me to introduce you to my favorite spoon
Hey, hi, hello. It's been a minute. In the past month, things have both changed a lot and not at all. Life, you know? I traveled a bit (big brag energy), I'm nearly finished with my book edits (extra big brag energy), and most importantly, I have found a favorite spoon.
You think all spoons are the same and suddenly, a new perfect spoon is introduced into your kitchen utensil drawer. I'm not exactly sure where Perfect Spoon came from. She showed up suddenly beneath a bunch of take-out chopsticks I forgot I had. Perfect Spoon has a bowl that's a little bit wider, like a soup spoon. This is a great addition for me, a person who prefers small silverware and big bites. However, the most crucial detail is this: the spoon has a flattened top. This top is ideal for things like scraping the last bits of pasta sauce, getting all the chocolate chips I melted in a bowl as a Depression Dessert, attaining the perfect final bite of ice cream. Which brings me to the first thing I've been consuming.
SOMETHING I CAN'T STOP EATING WITH MY MOUTH My friend and personal ice cream aficionado Valerie recently introduced me to Blue Bell's Brides Cake ice cream. My life? Changed. My family? Saved. My bowels? Still sensitive to lactose but persisting, nevertheless. It's an almond-flavored ice cream with swirls of cream cheese icing and big chunks of white cake. I love a cake ice cream. I hate when the cake pieces are too small or get weird and hard when frozen. These cake pieces are perfect. It's like someone put lil bite-sized pieces of wedding cake into my bowl of ice cream, kissed my forehead and promised to never leave me. I am this cake's husband now.
SOME THINGS I'VE BEEN EATING WITH MY EYES Euphoria on HBO is a fucken journey of a show. It's about addiction and high school and sex and being a teenager. It's really strange and wonderful, and this piece about the character Kat played by Barbie Ferreira should give you enough reason to want to watch it.
In one of the most recent episodes of Euphoria, Zendaya's character Rue is seen doing something that spoke to me a little too personally: she is in bed, lights off, watching a reality dating competition called Love Island like it is both an impulse and a chore. I've probably talked about my love for this garbage trash show in this newsletter and certainly if I've seen you in person in the past year. Lena Dunham wrote a piece on Love Island that does a really nice job of explaining my own voracious obsession with this villa full of hot, 20somethings from the UK. My feelings on Lena are mixed, but we share a protective, often maternal affection for these contestants as well as a skepticism of this season's Curtis. His smile is like a Disney villain, like a prince you think is good but oops surprise he's kidnapped your family.
I also recently watched the movie Swiped on Netflix. It wants you to think it stars Noah Centineo, the 23-year-old heartthrob from To All The Boys I've Loved Before who looks like if Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid had Instagram. Noah is not the star of Swiped, a movie about a group of college boys who develop a new dating app
SOME THINGS I'VE BEEN EATING WITH MY EARS
Lizzo's Tiny Desk Concert. This is best eaten with your eyes as well. She is a revelation and a gift.
Chance the Rapper's new album. Hot Shower and Eternal in particular.
The first three episodes of The Clearing, a podcast about a woman who learns her dad is a serial killer. The true-crime industrial complex is gross on a few different levels. It straddles the gross line of humanizing people who've spent their lives de-humanizing others while making a spectacle of the people who have been murdered. It taps into the gross human instinct of wanting to look at the spooky, yucky thing because it's spooky and yucky. It's often making money on other people's pain. Still, I, like the millions of women who are also drawn to true crime, cannot stop listening to them.
I can't pinpoint exactly why I will add every true crime doc HBO puts on their streaming service to my watchlist. It's satisfying to watch people put together pieces of a crime puzzle. It demystifies the boogeymen while also making it seem entirely plausible that everyone you know is a psychopath.I can't stop singing this short and tiny parody song, "My dog is an awesome dog" to Ava. This is not available to listen to anywhere expect my kitchen when Ava is trying to eat the raw pasta noodles I dropped on the floor. She is probably a psychopath.
SOME THINGS I ATE WITH MY BIG, BIG GALAXY BRAIN
This profile from January on the controversial Instagram influencer Caroline Calloway. Scam szn is all year round, babe.
This profile on the culture writer Jia Tolentino that will make you feel like you have done nothing with your life but also that's fine because Jia could do it better anyway
This Twitter thread on depression by Anne Theriault that is the relatable depression content I crave
SOME THINGS I MADE FOR YOU TO EAT
I wrote about vacation pics for Washington Posts' The Lily. I promise the piece isn't as salty as the headline.
I wrote about signs of alien life and humans maybe being able to live on Mars for Bustle. Humans are gonna wreck two whole planets, aren't we?
Also, I remember how I said I wrote a book? I wrote a book! (Almost. I've got a few edits but still A BOOK.) When it's available for pre-order, you will be the first to know. I'm really proud of it (humiliating admission!!!) and I think you'll like it.
Stay hungry, lil bb.
Mia
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