CAKE FOR BREAKFAST: Baby's First Newsletter

Greetings, loved ones! Thank you for being here, in this sacred space within your email inbox! Welcome to my weekly newsletter in which I share some of the things I've recently consumed with my mouth and eyes and brain. Yummy yum yum.
  SOMETHING I ATE WITH MY MOUTH
I know Thanksgiving just happened, which seems like it would be the most notable food-centric event. But I have a serious and true problem in which I cannot stop thinking about this Thai carrot and sweet potato soup. It's so good, I wrote an entire Ode to Soup on Bustle about it. Plus, consuming this soup is mostly unrelated to celebrating the stolen land on which we live.

To make the soup, I used a few substitutions because I didn't have red curry paste that didn't expire in 2016. So, I used a little bit of cumin, curry powder, and maybe smoked paprika? I can't remember? (This is the confident content you are here for!!!) I also just used water instead of vegetable stock because oops surprise I didn't have that either. I ended up adding a little more peanut butter than it says because peanut butter tastes good and that's the only reason why. I didn't have the patience or tamari to make the tamari almonds so I topped it with plain greek yogurt and pecans.

Look at her! Look at my soup! She's perfect! She's beautiful! She looks like Linda Evangelista! She's a model! She kind of looks like baby food and yet I love her!!! What I'm saying is, I care about soups now and this is a good soup. It is "Chicken Soup for the Soul" for the stomach.
  SOMETHING I ATE WITH MY EYES

You know what the fuck is up? The Netflix original movie The Princess Switch starring two entire Vanessa Anne Hudgenses. It gave me The Parent Trap with a secret handshake, a long lost look-a-like, and a significant haircut! It gave me The Princess Diaries with a walking lesson and fancy princess clothes! It gave me Mary-Kate and Ashley's It Takes Two with a shitty piano solo! It gave me A Cinderella Story with a romantic twinkle light gazebo dance scene! It, unfortunately, did not give me High School Musical because nary a Troy Bolton popped into frame to tell Gabriella/Stacy DeNovo/Lady Margaret Delacourt to get her head in the game.

The movie looked into my past and said, "You just want to watch something that is basically just a combination of every other yummy garbage movie you've ever watched, don't you." And I said, "Yeah gimme."
  SOME THINGS I ATE WITH MY BRAIN (ooh la la an intellectual!)
I can't stop thinking about this piece the extremely hilarious Riane Konc wrote called Everyone Gawking at Me at This Skate Park is Failing to Focus on the 47% of Bones I DIDN'T break. It's so funny it makes me jealous and that's healthy, okay!!!

If you're looking for some literary vegetables to read alongside your literary cake, I recently reread How A Woman Becomes A Lake by Jia Tolentino. It's beautifully written, heartbreakingly relevant, and worth one of your free NewYorker.com articles before you hit the paywall.

If you haven't bought New Erotica for Feminists, that's absurd and you probably won't get horny again until you do. It's a collection of satirical stories on "love, lust, and equal pay" written by the wickedly talented Belladonna Comedy editors Caitlin Kunkel, Brooke Preston, Fiona Taylor, and Carrie Wittmer. It's the perfect stocking stuffer for someone else or for yourself if you need your stocking stuffed.
  SOMETHING FOR YOU TO EAT
Here's a recent piece I wrote for Weekly Humorist called My Digital Cleanse Starts Today. You can also follow me on Twitter @miamarket if you want regular updates on when my dog is lickin on her b-hole. I'll have some other fun and delicious slices of self-promotional cake to serve you next week. So stay hungry, lil sweeties.