CAKE FOR BREAKFAST: ding dong babe
What's amazing about time is that it just keeps happening even when you're like "gimme a sec hun mommy's busy." In direct accordance with the odds, I have neglected this newsletter. It's already August. It's still coronavirus szn. It's kind of bad everywhere all the time but I'm very glad you're here. Let's eat.
SOME THINGS I ATE WITH MY MOUTH I have formed a deep emotional connection with these eggplant meatballs. The uncooked mixture looks absolutely disgusting, like something you wouldn't even force your enemies to eat, but trust me, the final product is so good you will pass away. Make a simple red sauce (tomatoes, onion, garlic, salt, pepper, oregano, blend), boil some fettuccini, throw those ballz on top, and thank me later. xoxo barefoot contessa
Some other stray food observations from these past months at home:
Riley, Ana, and I ate an entire Cheesecake Factory cheesecake in a week. No further questions.
Most nights around 10 pm, it becomes Ritz Cracker Time. This is when I am high and require five to ten Ritz crackers. Routine is so important during these strange and uncertain times.
My relationship with sparkling water now transcends language. It is my best friend, my closest companion, my god, my wife, who I aspire to be. If my teeth fall out from the carbonation, it will still have all been worth it.
Betty's Recipe coffee from The Roasterie in Kansas City is the best coffee I have ever experienced in my stupid little life. It's the only coffee I can drink black without pretending I like black coffee.
SOME THINGS I ATE WITH MY EYES I couldn't tell you what I've watched over the past couple months. Everything? Nothing? Here are the things I can remember that I'm not humiliated to admit watching:
Antibodies by Nicholaus Braun: a pop-punk bop for the coronavirus age
The music video for WAP by Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion. I'd link it but that doesn't give you the satisfaction of typing "wet ass pussy" into Google yourself. It is the culture that makes me say culture is for me.
Watchmen on HBO: you absolutely have to watch some sort of explainer on the comic book series if you haven't read it before watching this. Or be married to someone who will answer you everytime you're like, "who is that should i know who that is?" This series is good and stressful and satisfying. I would gladly let Regina King and Yahya Abdul-Mateen II step on my neck.
Kissing Booth 2: there were so many subplots in this movie because, I'm assuming, Netflix wanted to and felt like. There's a DDR competition, hot people going to Harvard, maybe cheating with hot British woman, dressing up as a s'more with your bff and his gf who is like "can you leave please," and yes, even a literal kissing booth. It is 2 HOURS AND 11 MINUTES LONG which is 12 minutes longer than Citizen Kane.
Work It and Feel The Beat: these are two Netflix original movies that are basically the same plot—girl want to dance but can't until she find hot boy and then oh wow she dance. The only difference is that Work It features a pivotal scene where someone gets a boner during a dance number. We are in the golden age of cinema.
Indian Matchmaking: Aparna not liking comedy is the funniest thing I have ever heard. Nadia is my child and I want the best for her which is probably some therapy? Ankita is too good for everyone. Also, men are...so boring.
I've also watched a handful of movies I'd never seen that people are always like "wHaT? hOw HaVeNt u SeEn ThAt???" And I have to be like, "I grew up on PBS and VHS tapes from the library. We were a Dragon Tales family. You saw Star Wars before your 20s. We are not the same." Also, I'm uncultured trash. Some brief thoughts on some of those movies: The Shining (too long and I'm convinced Jack Nicholson isn't even acting, that's just how he is); Being John Malkovich (way hornier than I expected, lots of unaddressed coercive sex that everyone just ignores, the audacity of Cameron Diaz's hair); Independence Day (I think I fell asleep for most of this one but my thoughts are...Jeff Goldblum.)
Also, I watched Human Centipede (god testing humanity, baffling that it even exists) because real life isn't enough of a hellscape.
SOME THINGS I ATE WITH MY BIG DUMB GALAXY BRAIN
I've been reading Angela Davis' Are Prisons Obsolete?, the entirety of which is available for free via Collective Library. If the idea of police abolition makes your peepee go up inside of you, this chart from Critical Resistance breaks down the differences between police reform and police abolition. Was there enough of a transition between me talking about Human Centipede and abolishing the police?
I can't stop thinking about A Beautifully Foolish Endeavor by Hank Green. It's the sequel to An Absolutely Remarkable Thing which you should also read. The series is sci-fi adjacent which usually isn't my thing, but it's also kind of ~mysterious~ and funny and talks about what it means to be human without sounding too up its own butt. It's great if you need some escapism that is also hopeful.
I recently reread this old essay in which Jia Tolentino rips Charlie Puth a whole new asshole. (She has since resigned to the fact that new Charlie Puth does indeed slap.)
If nothing else, please read this buck wild Facebook post which is the anti-vax post-apocalyptic fanfic that was bound to happen. Each sentence is more bonkers than the last.
SOME THINGS I MADE FOR YOU TO EAT
I wrote about optical allyship vs. non-optical allyship for Bustle. I talked with STET mag about la vie en quar. I also talked with my funny depression kween Riane Konc in a virtual event hosted by Raven Book Store. You can watch the recorded stream here.
Also, no offense, but I wrote a book called Weird but Normal which came out in May. If you read it, a nice thing you could do is leave a review on Good Reads, Amazon (plz try to buy it from an indie bookstore but if you don't it's okay i still love you), or wherever you bought the book. Give it five stars and zero negative critiques. I cannot handle the feedback right now!!!
stay hungry tho
Mia