CAKE FOR BREAKFAST: i'm not mad, just disappointed. and mad.
A couple of weeks ago, I asked a simple question: store-bought frosting...is it good or bad? I put the question out into the universe/your inboxes, forgot about it entirely, and continued on with my life. Come to find out, I've been betrayed, misunderstood, taken for a goddamn fool because 57.6% of you think that store-bought frosting IS BAD.
Have you never had a depression meal made solely of pink Betty Crocker frosting and graham crackers? Have you never done a sneaky lil lick off your sibling's birthday cake before papa lit the candles? Cake is merely a vehicle for frosting. Thank you, no further questions unless they are where you can ship me free frosting.
SOMETHING I ATE WITH MY MOUTH
I can count the number of times I've eaten a Chipotle burrito on two fingers. I'm not trying to be cute and random and quirky unless it's working. I had the second Chipotle burrito of my life this week and wow can you believe it: I ENJOYED IT. Sometimes the thing that everyone says is good...is actually good.
This is also true of the following:
The visual aesthetic of every BTS video
Chips (ruffles) and dip (french onion)
The "A KNIFE" video
Facemasks you peel off
A baby waving at you for no reason like the one who cheered me on while ordering my Chipotle burrito
SOMETHING I ATE WITH MY EYES AND EARS
Phoebe Waller-Bridge's Fleabag is a fucken revelation. I put off watching the first season because I felt like I should watch it instead of wanting to watch it. If you're looking for something yucky and yummy and bad and good and with a hot priest, the second season is everything you seek.
I also watched the final season of Game of Thrones. My lukewarm takes/spoilers from the last 6 episodes are as follows:
Arya half-up hair bun and Jon Snow half-up hair bun is the kind of thematic hair work I crave
I know everyone was talking about the Starbucks cup in that one episode, but the most important part of that scene was this: the way Dany looked at everyone gushing at how good of a king Jon Snow would be is me looking at everyone who asks me what my job is, says nothing, and then turns to my husband to be like "omg you remind me so much of john mulaney"
Why the dragon burn the chair? Do the dragon...have sentience? Do the dragon...be Dany very quickly reincarnated? Do dragons have feelings? Like, I know why he burned it thematically but...how is a dragon gonna understand symbolism when the showrunners barely can?
Just wanna do a quick brag that I was in a Game of Thrones dead pool and correctly guessed that no one would hold the Iron Throne at the end. I luv low stakes competition and watching Candy Crush to prestige tv.
Brienne wrote about Jaime like Ariana wrote about Big Sean: so cute, so sweet, could still get it.
Did you see Big Sean on SNL? DJ Khaled bringing out 3,000 guests is my Avengers: End Game.
I wish Big Sean showed up in the series finale of GoT a la Ed Sheeran.
SOMETHING I ATE WITH MY BIG, LUMPY GALAXY BRAIN
At the risk of sounding pretentious and gross, sometimes when you spend your day writing funny things, it is not enjoyable to read other people's funny things. Once, I heard a musician, upon being asked what their favorite song is, scoff and say, "That's like...asking an accountant to pick their favorite spreadsheet." I will wait for you to clean the vomit off your keyboard.
This piece by Elizabeth Preston called "Hello, I'll Be Your Toddler Tour Guide For This Trip Out The Front Door" made me giggle and go "aww" and "eww" and enjoy reading other people's funny things.
You should get familiar with writer Sabrina Imbler while you're young and hot. This piece on her queer skincare secrets is a very good place to start.
The Cut continues to prove itself as my most important news source with this baby announcement for Meghan Markle and Prince Harry.
Caity Weaver spent a week in 1994 for the New York Times so you don't have to.
SOMETHING I MADE FOR YOU TO EAT
I wrote a piece for The New Yorker on what writing is and did you know talking about what you've written is, in fact, another form of writing?
I wrote about a recent study on the orgasm gap for Bustle because I yearn to make my Google results as horny as possible.
Now that the weather is getting weather-y, here's a piece I wrote last year for the New York Times on what kinds of houseplants you can be trusted with.
Eat up. Stay hungry.
Mia
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