CAKE FOR BREAKFAST: i won all the oscars thank u goodnight

Sorry if you're bored hearing about the Oscars, but I'm writing this on Monday and I, too, need to voice my very important opinions on people giving other people awards for pretending to be different people! My main takeaway from the Oscars is that the best part of every award show is the very beginning and very end. This is when everyone looks like they are filing in/out of the fanciest school assembly, trying to make it to AP Calc before the next bell.

Rich people in theater seating is extremely funny!!! Show me Emma Stone in her stroopwafel eleganza trying to figure out how to sit in a folding seat! Give me Christian Bale sorting out if, when getting to his seat mid-row, he should squeeze past people with his butt toward them or his crotch! Until then, the only relatable part of the evening will be moments like Richard E. Grant reacting to Barbara Streisand.
 

SOMETHING I ATE WITH MY MOUTH

I ate my weight in french onion dip and ruffled potato chips last night. If you can't remember the last time you went in on bag of chips and a lil tub of dip, remedy this situation asap. It is healing but not in the medical sense.
 

SOMETHING I ATE WITH MY EYES/BRAIN/HEART

I am an illiterate bitch who only just now read Her Body and Other Parties by Carmen Maria Machado, and wowow IT GOOD. The collection of short stories starts with The Husband Stitch (which you should read asap) and it completely broke me the fuck open. The whole book made me cry and laugh and sob and rage and scream and sigh and also feel too dumb to read/write but in a good way. It should be required reading for anyone who loves women or is a woman or is ever around women ever.

Also, it's going to be turned into a Black Mirror -esque TV show. If it's good enough for the television, it's good enough for me, babe!!!
 

SOMETHING I MADE FOR YOU TO EAT

If you feel like reading something I wrote two years ago that is mildly topical, here's a list of movie pitches with strong female leads but not, like, too strong.
 

Stay hungry, lil mama
 

Mia

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