CAKE FOR BREAKFAST: if you see a potato, think of me

SOMETHING I ATE WITH MY MOUTH

One! Big! POTATO!!! Last night for dinner, I had a potato. I technically cut it up into fry-like shapes and baked it in the oven, thus making my dinner fries. However, it does sound better/worse to say I had one potato for dinner. In my very correct opinion, I have perfected oven baked fries. Here is my process: - Big, boi russet potato, cut into fry shapes. I do this by cutting the tato 4-5 times lengthwise. Then, I cut those oblong potato discs into fry shapes. I feel like getting the perfect fry-shaped cuts is what took me a long time to figure out because no one explains how to cut a potato. This is probably because "cut a potato" seems like an entire directive, but that leaves so much up to interpretation. This is also why I cannot cut a tomato. (Please do not tell me how. I never want to learn.)
- Put the potato fries onto a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. I use parchment paper because it 1) prevents the potatoes from sticking to the pan 2) makes it so I don't have to wash my pan after I use it 3) maybe I am supposed to wash the pan but I don't and never will 4) I'm convinced it makes the potatoes bake better who knows if this is scientifically accurate.
- Put some olive oil (like a tablespoon? or however much you need to lightly coat the tatoes), salt, pepper, red pepper flakes, and ooh la la maybe some garlic powder on the tatoes
- Toss the tatoes until they are covered and your hands are nasty and you have to ask someone to turn on the sink faucet for you
- Bake them at 425 Fahrenheit for 27ish minutes, flipping halfway through
- Wowie babie a dinner of fries for you
I then assemble an array of dips. Sometimes it's this sriracha mayo. I always include some ketchup. Last night, I also involved horseradish aioli from Trader Joe's. Dip dinner is the best dinner, and fries are one of the best dip vehicles.
  SOME THINGS I ATE WITH MY EARS Riley and I took a trip to St. Louis this weekend. We are young and fun and do weekend trips! Here's what we listened to on our drive: - The song Elastic by Joey Purp. He has a whole newish album that is good and fun, but I mostly just wanted to listen to Elastic 45 minutes in a row.
- I can't stop relistening to the Horse Bonology episode of the podcast My Brother, My Brother, and Me. It has everything I love: The Nasty Man, horses having fingers, and my favorite song "If You Crack An Egg Into A Bowl (It's Still An Egg)."
- Friends Who Folk (Ned Riseley and Rachel Wenitsky) on Las Culturistas singing about self-care (staying up late and thinking about everything they've ever done wrong)
- Riley made me listen to the Belt Buckle episode and the Jake Gyllenhaal episode Mystery Show, a podcast from 2017 in which Starlee Kine solves tiny mysteries. I say "made me" because he listened to it first and whenever he makes recommendations for things I go "okay but will i like it tho." Sometimes the answer is "no" and I still listen/watch/ingest it anyway. He thought I'd like Mystery Show and, can you believe it, I did. My love language is good podcast recommendations! Mystery Show is delicious and specific and small and big and now I can't stop thinking about belt buckles and Jake Gyllenhaal.
SOME THINGS I ATE WITH MY BRAIN/EYES/I NEED TO FIGURE OUT A BETTER WAY TO BE LIKE "ME READ THIS" MY PENIS IS STUCK IN A COLANDER, BUT ALSO I'M A CENTRIST. WE EXIST by Megan Amram. It's good and obscene and perfect.

Olivia Craighead's latest newsletter Soylents, Ranked. The newsletter isn't always about Soylent - sometimes it's about this photo from Kid Cudi's birthday party with Pete Davidson, Timothee Chalamet, and Kanye - but I would happily read an inbox full of emails in which Olivia reviews Soylent.
  SOMETHING I MADE FOR YOU TO EAT I wrote one of The Rumpus' upcoming Letters In The Mail. If you subscribe, you might still be able to get my letter to your actual, physical mailbox. But you might not because I'm not sure when it's being mailed out. I wrote the letter back in September so we'll all be surprised what it says.

I also have a piece in the next issue of The American Bystander, a humor magazine that writers like Simon Rich, Nell Scovell, and now me have contributed to. You can subscribe to it here but, again, it might be too late because I'm not sure when it's being mailed out. Okay, wow, my self-promo is very good and, in some ways, perfect. Stay hungry, you itty bitty little babies.

Mia

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