CAKE FOR BREAKFAST: It's me, a horse girl
SOMETHING THAT TRULY FED MY SOUL AND SPIRIT
I visited my sister in Indiana this weekend. She's interning on an alpaca farm which is the exact and complete opposite of my job. (I am a farmer of the mind in that my job is to make money off cultivating ideas from my sick and bad brain.) My conclusion about farms and animals is they are good and gross and simple and tough and, not to be dramatic, but I would die if I had to consistently wake up before 7 am. And now, it is your absolute honor and privilege to look at these pictures of me in the presence of animals.
Here's me with a chicken I picked up on my own. When I did it, I didn't scream a little or get scared or go "ahh oh no" when it started trying to flap its wings or anything.
This is me getting kissed on the cheek by an alpaca whose name is, I think, Madison? I was courted by so, so many alpacas that it was hard to keep track.
Here's me and Ana petting a big dog we found.
Here I am sitting on the ground (!) of a barn (!!) next to an alpaca named Georgie (!!!). She is my wife now.
Finally, here I am being surprised at how much I am enjoying playing with two cats.
SOMETHING I ATE WITH MY EYES
I watched the first three episodes of PEN15 on Hulu, and the only reason I stopped after three was that I was sleepy and wanted to give the show my full attention. (Brave and shocking to admit I wanted to pay attention to a show, I know!) PEN15 is like if the movie Eighth Grade was grosser, more uncomfortable, and starred two 30-year-old women playing their 13-year-old selves. It is devastatingly accurate and so, so funny. My only complaint is it beat me to writing the most accurate depiction of a girl masturbating for the first time. We're in the golden age of tv, baby!!!
SOME THINGS I ATE WITH MY EARS
Here are a few that I listened to this week that made me laugh, sob, feel Independent and Female, shake my ass, and even all of the above.
- NASA by Ariana Grande. I sing this to my dog when she follows me to the bathroom.
- Brandi Carlile's Grammy performance of The Joke (oops surprise this one made me cry A LOT)
- The entirety of Kasey Musgrave's Grammy-winning album Golden Hour
- Comedian Jaboukie Young-White's episode of Seek Treatment, a podcast hosted by the angel and devil that live on my tiddies Pat Regan and Catherine Cohen. This is only part one of Jaboukie's interview, and I am fully drenched in anticipation for the next parts.
SOME THINGS I MADE FOR YOU TO EAT
I wrote about how to trick your friends into thinking you're a mildly put-together woman for McSweeney's. A fun fact about this is I actually wrote it as a commissioned piece for a food magazine and when I turned it in, they were like, "The tone feels..........off." And I was like, "Unfortunately...........that is....just my tone." Long story short: it's nice when editors are like "o i actually just read ur other stuff and i respect ur creative integrity and am not gonna ask u 2 change 4 me" but also maybe read a writer's work before you commission them for something???????!
I also wrote about ways to spend Valentine's Day like a millionaire, but the editor cut my best joke. So here it is for you to eat up:
Ben Affleck reportedly once took out a full-page ad in Variety to gush about Jennifer Lopez’s “astonishing talent,” “beauty,” and “true grace.” The two weren’t together. Also, she was still married to Cris Judd. A good alternative to this “gift” is to not ever do this to someone who you aren’t dating.
Honestly, any gift you give your partner will be better than this borderline creepy move. After all, it’s the thought that counts. Unless that thought is, “Maybe if I take out an ad for this J.Lo she’ll want to date me.”
Stay hungry, lil sweetie hunnie baby sweetie babies.
Mia
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