CAKE FOR BREAKFAST: it was my birthday is that okay?!
I turned 29 on Friday. 29, as you know, is both the oldest and youngest age you can be. I haven't been a teen in millennia and I will not be eligible for retirement for another 3,000 years. While I had a wonderful experience being 28 and was extremely good at it, I felt it was time to retire from that age and move on to newer, better ages, such as 29. It was a difficult but necessary decision. Please do not respect my privacy during this time.
SOMETHING I ATE WITH MY MOUTH
Oops, I love Starbucks' pumpkin cream cold brew. Are you shocked? Is anyone surprised? Have I become a parody of a 29-year-old person? The pumpkin cream cold brew is a drink with far too many words in its name. It tastes like someone spilled a bunch of cinnamon whipped cream into cold brew, which is my preferred way to drink coffee. Is it more a dessert than a drink? Sure. Is it worth $5? Not really. Will I continue to treat going through the Starbucks drive-thru as a valid, necessary reason to leave the house? Absolutely.
SOMETHING I ATE WITH MY EYES
If you need me between now and the rest of forever, I will be in my room, lights off, pajama bottoms on, tiddies out, snort-laughing at everything Brittany Tomlinson (AKA Brittany Broski) has ever made. You likely know her as the "woman trying kombucha" for the first time. Or the American who can do a spot-on Love Island UK impression. I know her as my one true god, queen, and poet laureate.
SOMETHING I ATE WITH MY EARS
It took me some time. I know I am arriving late to this party. But I finally *get* Lana Del Rey. Her new album dropped at the exact point in my menstrual cycle when I was both peak horny and peak sad. Thus, I finally, finally understand. The opening track is a *chef's kiss* of a song. "You talk to the walls when the party gets bored of you"?!?!?! Get the entire fuck outta here. If you have an undergrad degree in creative writing and had to endlessly workshop pieces about sad bois losing their virginity, you know that shit hits different. I enjoy all 9 minutes and 37 seconds of "Venice Bitch" and wish I could sonically blast it into the ears of every man whose ever been like "hAvE yOu hEaRd Of SuFjAn?" Bitch, didn't you hear me say I have an undergrad degree in creative writing?
SOME THINGS I ATE WITH MY BIG, BIG GALAXY BRAIN
I'm in the middle of Jia Tolentino's Trick Mirror. I'm trying not to eat it all up at once and be sad when it's over, something I am very bad about doing with things I love. So far, I am obsessed. It makes the world seem great and terrible, which, if you are a person, likely know this to be true about everything all the time. You should read it if only for her explanation of Scam Szn and the time she was on a reality TV show as a teenager.
Here are other things I've read recently that have made me go "hmm" or "heheehehe" or "ugh this so good i cry and be jealous":
A beautiful, raw, and somehow funny piece on infertility by the Mary-Kate to my Ashley, writer Lucy Huber.
This piece on red kalutas, the adorable little pervs of the animal kingdom who have sex until they die!!!!
Chanel Miller's 2016 statement during the sentencing hearing for Brock Turner. Turner was the Stanford student who assaulted Miller, showed little understanding/remorse for his actions and served a minuscule 3-month sentence for it. Miller has a book coming out September 24. I hope it will be equal parts scathing and healing.
Author R.O. Kwon's beauty/skincare/life interview on Into The Gloss which has this wonderfully relatable line: "My whole life was so pointed towards college that I almost thought I would die right afterward, like the way insects fulfill their purpose in life and then just die."
SOMETHING I MADE FOR YOU TO EAT
I wrote about the poker scene in The Parent Trap, one of my all-time favorite things for one of my all-time favorite columns, The Cut's "I Think About This A Lot." I talk about cool girls, Linsday Lohan(s), and that blue nail polish you have also been thinking about since 1998.
Stay hungry, okay?
Mia
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