CAKE FOR BREAKFAST: Oops it's the afternoon
Hi hello. We're having something of a late breakfast today. This is because I recently started a new relationship and have been a little preoccupied. Her name is Target-brand ZzzQuil and she is everything to me right now.
🌯 FOOD FIGHT UPDATE 🌯
Last week I asked, "Is a wrap a burrito or a sandwich?" A smart and strong 10 of you agreed that a wrap is a sandwich. Just 2 of you said it's a burrito. (I'm convinced Riley voted twice). A bunch of you were like "A wrap is a wrap!" which like yes, okay, BUT ALSO AGREE WITH ME AND TELL ME I AM RIGHT. One person said a wrap should be classified as a "gift" and excuse you for trying to upstage ME on MY NEWSLETTER!!! But also, congrats, you are the most correct.
Now is when I confess that I asked this question on both Instagram and Twitter before asking it on my newsletter, and the heathens on both platforms thoroughly dunked on me. With a 45ish-to-55ish percent split, most people said a wrap is a burrito. If you felt something, that was just my chicken caesar wrap heart shattering into a million ranch-dipped pieces.
💤 SOMETHING I ATE WITH MY MOUTH 💤
It's ZzzQuil! I love ZzzQuil! A thing about me is that sometimes (most nights) I cannot stay asleep! I wake up after a cool hour and a half of snoozing and lay there (lie there? I don't feel like Googling which is grammatically correct. Please do not email correcting me. I refuse to learn, grow, or change.) awake for the next 4 hours following this holy ritual: try to fall back asleep by just closing my eyes; count backwards from 100; get distracted in the 80s and fixate on the time I accidentally grabbed someone else's drink at a coffee shop a year and a half ago and wonder how often the baristas use me as a bad example now; remember I was trying to count to make myself sleepy; tell myself not to look at my phone; start mentally counting as fast as I can as a competition with no one where there is no prize; play candy crush and scroll through Instagram until the sun comes up or I die.
Target's brand of ZzzQuil is the only thing that actually lets me sleep at night. Should I consult a doctor about this? Probably! Will I? Probably not as I am so, so busy with Candy Crush.
🔥 SOMETHING I ATE WITH MY EYES 🔥
Over a very, almost humiliatingly short period of time, I watched all 10 episodes of YOU on Netflix. It stars Penn Badgley (AKA the guy from Gossip Girl AKA a man whose face I immediately forget the second it is out of view) pining after a manic-pixie-dream-girl writer named Beck. Sounds like boring trash garbage BUT! He becomes very obsessed with her and hijinks (i.e. drugs, stalking, murder schemes???, sexy sex!, sneaky ploys, being horny for books, a costume party) ensue. Ultimate Goddess Supreme Samantha Irby already wrote about why YOU is a good and perfect show so just read what she had to say about it.
Also, please, for the love of Ja Rule watch Fyre Fraud on Hulu. I am addicted to knowing everything about everyone involved in the uber-exclusive, stupid-expensive music festival that imploded on itself. It has #Influencers! It has bad and disappointing sandwiches! It has young white men lying as their whole job!!! Here is just one buck wild fact: THERE WERE TICKET PACKAGES SOLD FOR LITERALLY $25,000!!! As my lord and savior, Jia Tolentino says in the documentary, "Inject it straight into my veins." Anyway, watch it and then join me in screaming about it.
💦 SOMETHING I ATE WITH MY EARS 💦
If you aren't listening to Juice by Lizzo that is wrong and, unfortunately, illegal. Please fix that immediately or I will report you to the proper authorities (Lizzo's Instagram DMs).
🐶 SOMETHING I MADE FOR YOU TO EAT 🐶
I wrote about how Everything Is an Office When You Work Remotely for Bustle. Come for the pictures of my dog. Stay for the pictures of my dog. My dog is what is important here.
Stay hungry, hunny sweetie baby sugar hunny.
Mia Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Blog, A Meme I Predicted YEARS AGO