CAKE FOR BREAKFAST: rihanna made me do it
I wore big, big, long, fake nails this weekend for a Rihanna-themed birthday party. The list of things I would do if Rihanna told me to is as long as these nails. The thing about big, long, big, big, big nails is they make you feel like the most and least powerful person to ever exist. I had to ask Riley to help me unzip my pants to pee. However, I did feel completely entitled to ask my husband to help me, an adult woman, do a peepee. Such is the plight of being Rihanna.
SOMETHING I ATE WITH MY MOUTH
Unfortunately, this newsletter is just becoming Trader Joe's sponcon (that I am receiving zero compensation for) and I cannot stop it. I recently bought their pumpkin ice cream and that shit hits different. If you don't like pumpkin things, I'm sorry but you're wrong. My preferred way to eat this ice cream is in a bowl with a couple of Trader Joe's crepe wafer cookies that remind me of the kind of wafer cookies you get at Kopp's custard in Milwaukee. They're thin little sugary triangles. Nostalgic! Kinda fancy! Gives you a reason to add more dessert to your dessert!!!
SOMETHING I ATE WITH MY EYES
I watched the entire first season of The A-List on Netflix. Here is a summary of it:
British
Lead character named Mia
I only want to watch shows where a character has my name because it helps my dumb brain pay attention
Teens at summer camp!
Crushes! Drama! Spooky ghosts and mind control!
Bad writing (classic part of teen dramas)
Something called the Midsummer Dance that was kinda like movie Midsommar but less horrific yet seemingly just as drug-induced?
PG-level kissing which is very good comedy
Cliff-hanger ending that made me laugh despite it definitely not being funny
I am going to watch season 2
If you liked and/or hate-watched The Society on Netflix, you will like this. If you have a mere shred of good taste, why are you even here? SOME THINGS I ATE WITH MY BIG, BIG GALAXY BRAIN I, like the teens of the world, cannot stop watching TikToks and Jia Tolentino wrote a piece on why.
Vulture made predictions on who's going to play each of the 2020 presidential candidates on SNL. The new season debuted this past weekend and there were a number of accurate predictions. My three thoughts are: 1) Maya Rudolph. That's it. That's the tweet. 2) Chloe Fineman as Marianne Williamson is *chef's kiss*. 3) Bowen Yang on network television is my religion.
SOME THINGS I MADE FOR YOU TO EAT Jennifer Lawrence made a wedding registry guide on Amazon and I wrote about it for Bustle. Here's the gist if you don't feel like reading 700 words on JLaw, Amazon, and inacce$$ibility: "I love nothing more than to see what celebrities, valued at literal millions of dollars, think us common folk can afford. It's all very, 'It's one banana. What could it cost...$10?'"
In honor of it being October, here is an ooky spooky piece I wrote for The New Yorker last year: The World Is A Scary Place But I Know How To Fix It.
Stay hungry.
Mia
Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Blog, A Thread To Soothe Your Weary Soul