CAKE FOR BREAKFAST: thanks 2019 i hate it
As the year comes to a close, I'm reminded of one of my favorite quotes about the passage of time: End-of-year lists are terrible and bad unless I, personally, am involved with them. Then, they are perfect and worthy of others' time and internet space. I don't think I am alone in feeling that end-of-year wrap-up lists serve two purposes 1) to validate us and 2) to validate us some more.
Every time I look at an end-of-year list, I want to see something that makes me say "yes I too enjoyed that in the past 365 days thus my taste is impeccable and cannot be questioned." Or I want to see my own name. This is true regardless of the list and the qualifications I have to be on that list. How dare TIME not include me, a literal no one, on their list of People of the Year. The nerve to list the best cinematic performances of 2019 and not mention the time in March when I saw famous tall man Zach Woods at a bar and didn't say "hello u r tall and famous." The audacity of every publication for which I wrote to not change their bios to "i luv mia 4 ever." My brain is healthy and good.
Here, in no particular order or categorization whatsoever, are My Best Things of 2019. Most are from this year. Some are things that have been around for a while but I've especially liked them or consumed them for the first time in 2019. Time is a human construct.
The only two podcasts I've consistently kept up with: "Seek Treatment" with Pat Regan and Catherine Cohen, who I've previously described as "the angel and devil that live on my tiddies" and "My Brother, My Brother, and Me" with the McElroy brothers. Also, Tracks to Relax Guided Sleep Meditation. I am a parody of myself.
Megan Stalter's ability to make every word sound hilarious and insane
Samantha Irby in general, especially the pool party episode she wrote for Shrill and the TIME's Entertainer of the Year piece she wrote about Lizzo
Cats having a little salami as a treat and every iteration that followed
My brain becoming mushy-gushy TikTok goo and saying "Oh. Okay. I see a baby." with no context
Gabriella Paiella's oral history of the Folgers Incest Ad.
Naomi Fry's 2019 round-up titled The Year In Stupidity. It includes when Drake wore a horny, $750,000 watch. She also refers to butt-dialing "like a kind of visual poem" which honestly deserves its own bullet point.
This interview between John Mulaney and a 10-year-old talking about John Mulaney and The Sack Lunch Bunch on Netflix, Richard Kind, and death.
Comedian and musical savant Matt Rogers saying "Gay rIGHTS! Gay rights"
The movies Parasite, Midsommar, Booksmart, and Beetlejuice but I think only the last one because I was very high
Love Island and the way it feeds my brain worms
String cheese
The shows PEN15, Shrill, and Fleabag
The bird at the Met Gala that embodied camp
Beyonce saying "suck on my balls"
Ana telling me to end a newsletter "To all my haters out there...I'm coming for you."
This buck wild song called "Four Brothers"
This 12-second song called Boogie Takeover
Elastic by Joey Purp
The episode about on Jake Gyllenhaal's height for the 2015 podcast Mystery Show
Target Brand ZzzQuil. Insomnia can be a personal brand, babe!
Olivia Craighead ranking Soylents in her newsletter
Pretty much everything Lizzo, H.E.R, Awkwafina, and SZA did, have done, and continue to do
A t-shirt Riley got me from Noname's Book Club
The matching pantsuits Ana bought for the two of us at Goodwill.
Oat milk, specifically this Snickerdoodle Oat Milk Creamer
Ruffled and French Onion dip make iconic by Mila Kunis in "Honey, We Shrunk Ourselves"
Eating a whole potato as a meal
Microwave popcorn
Store-bought frosting
This truly bonkers history of #feminism I wrote that The Lily published
Having a Taco Bell Crunchwrap Supreme for the first time this year.
Athleisure being part of my personality now. I like comfy sweats and all-black baseball caps and compression leggings that make breathing feel like exercise.
The inaugural Satire and Humor Fest in NYC and how I got to meet people I've been obsessed with in a mostly normal way like Irving Ruan, Elissa Bassist, Lucy Huber, and Riane Konc
The games Boggle, Scattegories, and Parallanagram
People boning down with Airpods in their ears
"Hello, I'll Be Your Toddler Tour Guide For This Trip Out The Front Door" by Elizabeth Preston
The Cut's ode to Meghan Markle and Prince Harry's child's name
The books Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng, That's Mental by Amanda Rosenberg, and Trick Mirror by Jia Tolentino
This piece I wrote about what body language is (everything) and what it means (nothing)
I wrote a book this year. It comes out next year. Not to be overly sincere (lol gross) but I'm really proud of that.
There are probably other things I enjoyed this year. They are probably mostly Bath & Body Works candles and snacks from Trader Joe's. New year, same bish.
Stay hungry and happy 2020, hunty queen bae sis girl!
Mia