Notice anything *blink blink* different?

New place, same garbage.

If you’re new here, you can learn more about me and this newsletter here. If you’re old here, you’ll notice that we’ve moved! (We is me.) Cake for Breakfast is on Substack now. What does this mean for you? Probably nothing! The newsletters you’re used to will still be free and slipped straight to your gorgeous little (in)box per usual. But now, you have the option to upgrade to a paid subscription for bonus newsletters, behind-the-scenes content, Ava takeovers, feet pics, haha jk unless …

Before we dig in, let’s say grace. Repeat after me:

Pre-order my new book She’s Nice Though, which comes out August 30. It’s a collection of funny essays and stories on niceness, goodness, and obedience, including an explanation of what it means when a girl is quiet and a piece called “Nice Girls Finish Eventually.” Here’s a little sample of me reading the essay “How to Wife.” After you pre-order, make sure you go here to download a sneaky peek-y of one of my favorite chapters, “Bad Answers to Good Questions and Vice Versa.”

Amen. Let’s eat.

Something I Ate With My Mouth

I am part of the little treats economy. I buy little treats to laugh, to cry, to care, to celebrate doing something good, to pretend I didn’t do something bad, to rid myself of depression, to have a reason to brush my teeth and leave the house, etc. My latest little treat of choice is Wiley Wallaby Gourmet Licorice, a dumb name for a delicious treat. The best flavor is watermelon, obviously. If you’ve ever wanted to know what it feels like to bite into a thick extension cord — haven’t we all? — these are the little treats for you.

Something I Ate With My Ears and Big, Big Brain

Nobody is talking about the fact that I’ve listened to five audiobooks in ten days. Biracial literacy erasure? I will not be sharing all five titles as they were not all, how you say, good. One of the books was Tampa by Alissa Nutting, who also wrote Made for Love which was turned into an HBO series. Tampa was deeply upsetting and I don’t know if I’d recommend it for that reason, but I couldn’t put it down. Regardless, it reignited my appetite for sneaky, spooky books where something is afoot. Right now, I’m making my way through No One Will Miss Her by Kat Rosenfield. If you have any recommendations that fall into that category — especially books that aren’t brand new — gimme!

Something I Ate With My Fat Stacks of Cash

I’m very excited to announce that I have been moving through the world in comfy bodysuits that go up the buttcrack. I purchased this Colsie bodysuit from Target in two different colors and intend to purchase the other two colors immediately after I push send on this email. It unfortunately makes me feel like a sexy baby :/ but it does fulfill all my requirements for clothing as of late: keeps you cool, no undergarments required which also keeps you cool, and makes you look like an extra on Save the Last Dance. When Target’s athleisure section says “jump,” I say “jeté, bitch!”

Some Things I Made for You to Eat

I write a weekly column for the Cut called I Can’t Shut Up About, which gives shallow dives into my latest online-adjacent obsession. In recent weeks, I’ve written about The Tyra Banks Show, this art pickle, Keke Palmer, and “healthy” Coke. If you enjoy these emails, you’ll probably like that column. If you don’t enjoy these emails, I don’t want to hear about it! I am sensitive!!

Also, remember earlier when I said I have a book coming out? That is still true even now, at the end of this newsletter. Not to be overly sincere (lol gross) but I like the book a lot and am pretty proud of it. You can pre-order She’s Nice Though now or request it at your library or … I don’t know, make someone else buy it for you?

Okay, that’s all for today. Stay hungry!
Mia